Being A One-Day Mother

I want to make a confession...
Actually, I'm a mother of a boy like you could see on the pictures. I have a baby, the cute one. Serius amat bacanya!!! I'm just kidding :D But wishing much that someday it will be something real in  my life; become a good wife and lovable mother *keukeuh... :P

Several weeks ago, my best friend gave birth. Frankly, I little bit disappoint because she didn't tell me about her pregnancy. Hey, I'm still your friend... If I didn't call you, perhaps I'll never know that you were seven months pregnant  and would become a mother for the third time :( 

Then you gave me second disappointment. You didn't tell me that you've given birth. I would never know it if I wasn't send you SMS to ask your pregnancy. Well, just forget it... I knew you must be think that I'm busy. Always like that. Listen pals, I would never too busy for a nice friend like you... ^.^

Let me tell you...
She is not only my friend. She just like my sister. When we still teaching in the same school, she always give me support to keep on struggle although I knew she couldn't feel like in home too. But she could take everything just because she want to get a chance to learn more. 

No matter what people said about her. One for sure, she really honest to me. So I don't have to hear the whisper behind. No one perfect, right? I could take her imperfection. So what?

The quality I loved from her is about her open personality and her spirit to always learn. Sometimes, I wondered, why people loved to underestimate her just because of her lateness for about minutes? Not fair... See your self! She lost her second baby for a stupid reason. That's more than enough to forgive her lateness!! Well, it's their loss to ignore my friend, not me!

I learnt  so many things from her. Behind her glasses, I knew she's intelligent, even better than me. I knew she is good mother who has a quality in educate her daughter.

Azkia. That's the name of her first daughter. Azkia is lovable girl. Talkative, cheerful, friendly, and a quick learner. I could see all the positive signs for the intelligent child on her.

I have special closeness with Azkia. My friend said that Azkia always ask her whether I'll come to her house. She missed me after so long we haven't met. I often feel guilty because every time Azkia called me, I always make a promise that I'll come to meet her. And all just promise. But today, my promise not only promise, Azkia... :)

The day before, I've gotten a gift for my friend's baby. Then I called her to make sure that on Saturday she will be at home. All in deal, but I couldn't give her certainty for the exactly. I had to go to the school first to attend The Birth Celebration of Prophet Muhammad in the morning, then went to my friend's wedding. 

Unfortunately, this afternoon was rainy, so I have to wait until it quit. So, at 04.15 p.m. I went to her house. But before, I made time to buy chocolate for Azkia, because my friend told me that she has been waiting my arrival since morning. Huhuhu, you miss me that much, Az? ;)

Here I come... Why are you so shy, girl? You told me that you miss me, so where's your hug? :) I gave the chocolate to break the stiffness. Then.... It was work. His talkative talent appeared. She told me everything. Her playgroup school, her friend, her fluency to operate the computer, write and read. Hhhhh.... Don't you feel tired, Sweety? How many batteries you had, Smart Girl? :D

Az, this time for me to hold your little brother on my cradle. But, why your mother underestimate me? *Hikshiks.

"Mie, are you sure you can do this?" she said. Believe me, Sist... I able to hold a baby since I was at 6th grade of elementary school.

When the baby on my arms, did you know how it's like? It was like I'm a real woman *Lebay kagak sih? But it was true. I'm in peace. I could forget everything burdening me when I touched his hand, saw his peaceful face. Hi... Sleeping Baby... You made me feel that I could be so lovable :)

Ci, happiness for you always... You had everything in life completely. Be grateful for that, Sister :) 

Bumil

Hwaaaa… Alhamdulillah... Saya baru saja mendapatkan kabar bahwa sahabat baik saya mendapatkan anak kembar untuk kehamilannya yang pertama. Saya tahu dia tengah mengandung, tapi kalau ternyata ada bayi kembar di rahimnya, saya baru tahu itu hari ini.

Dia baru saja menikah bulan Desember dan sekitar dua minggu kemudian dia dinyatakan positif hamil. Maklum, selain mendapatkan banyak tempaan teori dari teman biologinya  yang baik hati ini, harus diakui bahwa anak bahasa Inggris memang jago turakab terekebna *haha

Ithoooooqqqqq…. Mie ngiriiiiiii….. :’(

Mie pengen punya anak kembar dari dulu, dari sebelum Mie dilahirin!!! Heu... Bisa teu nyakk?? Kuduuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!! Ya Allah… Nanti aku mauuuuuuuuuuuu… Mau become a mother from twin baby yang sehat, yang shaleh, yang lucu, yang cerdas. Amiiin.… Ya? Ya? Ya? Boleh ya? T.T

BTW, do’a bisa bocor gak yah??? Agak-agak worried niy… Waktu kos dulu, kamar saya deketan kamarnya dia… Terus, dia hobi banget ngadem di kamar saya sampe susah ngusirnya!!! *Gak tahu diri!!! Haha. Pokokna mah teu ikhlas klo makbulnya do’a saya sampe nyasar ke kamar dia gara-gara malaikat males sumpek-sumpekan di kamar saya yang selalu dijejali oknum-oknum stress!!! *Ya gak sih??? :D

Selamet deh, Thoq… *Gak rela gini :D

Teu ketang… Mie ikut seneng… Jaga diri baik-baik. Banyakin ngaji, biar anaknya gak hobi ngabisin duit kayak emaknya :P

Oia, ada sedikit warning nih buat calon-calon tante….

Bumil zaman sekarang, selain nyusahin suami klo lagi ngidam, pada hobi nyusahin temen juga. Jadi ikhlasin aja yak… Sabaaaaarrrr *hahaha. Ini, ada beberapa kisah nyata dari saya… *Lebay :D

Sebelum tahu kehamilannya kembar, Sabtu lalu, pagi-pagi buta Si Calon Ibu Kembar SMS pengen sambel buatan saya. Lha...gimana caranya??!!! Masa saya harus ngedadak ke Kuningan??? Belum lagi dia mau ngebajak nama yang rencananya akan saya berikan untuk anak saya kelak *Wuiiiihhhh… Dulu kamu ngekhayalnya sampe sejauh itu, Mie??? Ckckckck. Cari sperma dulu (laki-laki baik maksutnya), baru mikirin nama… :P

Sorry to say, Thoq…. Even you are my best friend, I’ll not give the name *Nyesel ngekhayal bareng kamu waktu dulu… Ngerampok ide orang aja kerjaannya :p

Cerita lain, hari Minggu kemarin saat syukuran 4 bulanan teman saya yang lain, saya harus kokotetengan cari delima. Untuuuunggggg diboncengin adik kamu yang cool, Ri… Jadi biarpun panas ereng-erengan kaditu kadieu, tetep kerasa adem… Hahaha *Kidding. Sorry ya, delimanya gak dapet… Kami sudah berusaha, tapi Tuhan yang menentukan… Heuheu

Hhhh… Jadi mikir… yang ngehamilin siapa, kok jadi saya yang repot yak?! Tapi, sebagai calon tante yang baik, saya ikhlas direpotin *Ikhlas kok bilang-bilang :D

Sahabats, congrats ya… More than words to describe my honest for your happiness :)

You knew my heart-lah pastinya…. :)

Well, keponakan saya sekarang banyaaaaaakkkkkk ^.^”

I HATE YOU!!!

Several days ago, I read someone's writing on her/his blog accidentally. I doubt for the gender. It could be manipulated, right? I don't know this was just my feeling or the truth. I felt some of her/his writings intended to me. Seemed he/she was answering my writing. I don't know what she/he want from me.

If it was you....
Are you giving your advice or being quip me? Trying to be nice to me, hah? Why you didn't do that since the first? Being nice to me not to make me always wondering about something wrong inside me.

When you react negatively, I always seeking my own mistake like a stupid. Have you ever offended by my words? Why you didn't tell me, which words? Have you ever hurt by my actions? Which one? Why you so unfriendly to me?????

For all you did to me, I just quiet and try to forgive, to understand although I'll could never be! Maybe, I'm just a fool who should be ignored. It's OK... I can take it. But at least, you can give your little mercy to ignore me without hurting me by your words or whatsoever the way!

As long as my awareness, there's no slightest words and deeds I deliberately did to hurt you. I didn't know if I was wrong. But, since your first words, second words, third words, thousands words, I couldn't pretend anymore, close my eyes and my ears to ignore the fact that you didn't like me. But I don't know why.

One day, you walk over my patience and skip it. You hurt me, more than other bad person ever did to me! Nothing needs to be explained, because I also never got it from you! I HATE YOU!!! You got some sure!!

 

I'm on the floor
counting one minute more
Noone to break the silence

Staring into the night
all alone but that's alright
It's the feeling deep inside I don't like

There is no excuse my friend
for breaking my heart
breaking my heart again
This is where our journey ends
Your breaking my heart again

Here in my bed
counting the words you've said
They linger in the shadows

There is no excuse my friend
for breaking my heart
breaking my heart again...

Exhausting Days

Alhamdulillah…..Finally!!! I able to finished my duty. I was involved into the committee of Try Out (TO) for 3rd grade of junior high school held on 16th and 17th February. My headmaster placed me on financial sector. With all of my honest, I hate the position! It made me confused. Since the first, I’m not such kind of woman who’s fluent to manage money. I always hate my self when I have to aware with the nominal of money. Don’t you ever asking me about the price of something! I’ll not remember! Don’t you ever asking me about the salary, welfare, whatsoever the terms relate to the payment of my professional job! I didn’t understand! Last, don’t you ever asking me to calculate my outflow cash in a month! I never do that! For me, money is only M.O.N.E.Y without K between N and E. Nu penting mah loket ayaan. Sanajan sesa sarebu, I’ll consider that I’m still rich!! *Haha 

Actually this was not the first experience for me to handle financial in an event. When I was in college, I ever be involved in "Danus" division for several occasions. But, this was little bit different. When you were involving your self in "Danus", you just have to search some of sponsors, persuade them to support your event, make a deal with them, collecting money, then give it to the treasurer. Or, you are prosecuted to make own fund source by open a book bazaar, selling any profitable things. In short, being a "Danus" means you have to make money come to you but you weren't demanded to manage your money for many things, because it wasn't Danus's job description. And now, I must take on that confusing job. I have to map out the available funds for various things, such as, honorarium, tax, equalization.... so many, so many.........!!!! Dizzy!!!

Well, there's always something worth could be taken behind the pain, right? And I learn so many things with my position in this occasion. The most important lesson I've been take is how people could be responsible and irresponsible for something. I'll make it clear...  

11^st February

This was our first meeting to hear the leader explain our job description and task division. After the clear explanation, confusing thing started to appear. Why  I had to do what should secretary do? But... I took it positively. Maybe there's too many lists that must be done by the secretary, so here my kindness to help. At least, I was taking over 5 of secretary's job or even more! What happen next? The secretary said that he couldn't make himself focus anymore, so he begged to go home earlier. Then I saw the anger from the leader's face. How he could not be anger!!! The secretary just did few tasks from so many lists. But, there's nothing could do. The secretary just went away accompanied by the whispering of leader's grumbling. For the rest, you can guest. Me and the leader had to do the work until 04.30 pm. Even there's one member still with us, but she couldn't do anything, because she not fluent enough to operate the computer. However, I'm so thankful to her, because she brought so many foods for us *Hehe. End of the story, I went home with eyes sore and migraine because too long facing the computer.

12^nd February

Actually this day was my day off, but because the leader called me and expected me to come,  I had to go willy-nilly. I thought it will not taking so many time because I've finishing my financial administration  format relate to the event. I just have to fill the blank by the nominal. Unpredictable, the other conflict appeared. This time, the conflict placed me in the awry position. All about the budget. There are the different desire between the leader and the BOS's treasurer. I couldn't explain the exactly, because it relates to  the internal financial of my school. Felt like in hell when I have to faced the high temper from both of influential persons in my school. I had to listen their 'curhat' and their argumentation. When I suggested both of them to discuss the problem personally, they said: "NO WAY", Sodara!!!!! Childish!!!! Actually, if both of them ask me to open my eyes and choose the right one, I'll take sides to my leader. His opinion more logic. Hhh... All because of headmaster's indecision. Be assertive, please... You are a leader!!!

Well, today so spooky for me and others because of the conflict. But amazingly, my leader was damn professional. We continue our work with his own budget plan. He said, "When someone give you some trust, you have to run it as well as you can. At the same time, you are not allowed to feel disappointed if ahead there's some correction relate to your work". If I ruminate his words, I guess he wanted me to translate his words like this: "Make the budget logically based on our RKAS. That is the real guidance! The most eligible person to reject or accept our budget plan is headmaster, not BOS treasurer. He didn't have a right to give their objection to us. If he want it so, he can do that when he discuss our budget plan with the headmaster and convey his view to the headmaster. His responsibility to us just give us money!" I'm I right Mr. P? *haha, don't be emotional... :)

I was so thankful for today. Among conflicts, I learned so many things. This school educate me to be aware for everything. Honestly, as long as I turn my self to be a teacher in this town, I always feel that I'm a loner learner. I learn everything alone. There's no place for me to ask. All people around me seemed arrogant. One and the only lesson I got is that "You are too stupid to know something". But here, I felt that some of senior teachers give me chance to learn. They are opened to share anything, to talk anything. Alhamdulillah... :)

14^th February

Monday without spirit. I predict that in this day I would go home late because we have to prepare everything for 'The Day'. Thanks God, we got certainty for the nominal. So, we (me and the leader) worked fast and... finished!!! But then, few minutes later, I saw the leader make conversation with the headmaster outside there. New problem came.... There was schedule changes. It should be Bahasa and English for the first day test, then Mathematics and Science for the next day. Orayyyyy.... it means the committee must inform it to the students. No problemo, tapi cape ogeeee.... Barudakna mah don't care kitu gening!!!

After announce the schedule changes, the students were sent home earlier because we have to clean the class and stick up the examinees numbers. This time, my prediction was miss. We were able to finish all the things quicker. So, we went home at 13.20 p.m.

By the way, this day was my grandpa birthday. Miss him much :'(
Did you know? He was 'The Man' in dealing financial problems. Why you so intelligent, Grandpa?! Sometimes, when you still alive, I felt so jealous with everything inside your head. Why I'm not inteligent as well as you? :(

16^th February
This is the day! I leave home early in the morning. This was my "Hhhhh..." for the umpteenth time. My arrival was greeted by problems. The leader said that there was discrepancy between the packet code on TO guideline book and the packet code in fact. We thought the packet will just like ordinary. There's only two problem packets, A and B. Surprisingly, there was 5 packet codes, those are: 07, 12, 23, 33, and 45. So, we have to communicate it with all room supervisors. This was a big deal, because every students was bound by the rules in accepting the packet code based on their sitting position. Unfortunately, some of room supervisors could not match with our explanation. They were noisy and made us dizzy. I was wondering, why some of them couldn't fast to react with an emergency condition? I guessed my leader explanation more than clear, so what's the problem? They just have to give the packet code with spirally position! A teacher almost make me crazy because she couldn't understand my explanation although I conveyed it for thousands! So, I followed her to the class and help her to give the packets to the students. DONE!

17^th February
Last day, tapi teu weleh paciweuh!!! This time, the problem came from the amount of packet codes that were not evenly distributed. Almost every room supervisor said that they were lack of packet code 12 and 07. Cing atuh ieu provinsi, be profesional!! We bought the packets @Rp. 13,000 not get it for free!! To solve it, we copy the packet then all in control. Really? Not completely under the control actually. The committee felt resentful with some of room supervisor's behave. Some of them get out from the room for long and let the students noisy. Beside that, some of them also did some careless in filling their administration. Please, be more responsible.

Let my mind flash for a while...
TO means practice. Am I right? So, I thought the condition should be adjusted with the real condition that will be faced by the students, start from the schedule, packet code, and others. It will be confusing if later there's the different between practice and reality. It couldn't be denied  that some of teachers, including me wondering for the real test later. Will it be like TO?

Here it is, my real job description finally came. The BOS treasurer gave me the money. Tangtingtungtingtangtingtung... juprat jepret juprat jepret, dihekter, dibungkus, diduruk, digebug *haha. Rieeeeeeuuuutttt.... Ribuuuuuutttt....  Papuket! But all done. I just have to give the money to the person entitled to accept.

Actually, it was not an easy work. I'm too tired to explain the details. The leader said, treasurer must be honest, but at the same time, I have to able to 'ngigel-ngigel' the budget, so it will appropriate to the real budget on the paper. Jiaaaahhh... apal istilah 'ngigel-ngigel' sayah sekarang mah :D

18^th February

Last duty. I have to report my cash flow to the headmaster. We talks some of points relate to the financial, then she willing to gave her signature on my paper. Thanks God... Alhamdulillah.

All is over. But I have to face other challenge. Next, I have to prepare my self for the UN. My headmaster entered my name into one of the UN committee. Badly, I'm the only woman in the UN committee. Hopefully, all the senior teachers in the UN committee will be wise enough to share their experience.

Now, four big things are waiting to be accomplished in my lists. Bismillah...

Bukan Tentang Valentine

Untuk pria nomor satu di hatiku, tak peduli engkau nomor berapa di dunia, tapi bagiku, engkaulah yang menjadi juara. Selamat milad… Semoga Allah menjaga-Mu dalam kelapangan kubur, menerangimu dengan cahaya, memperlihatkan tempat kembali yang baik di setiap pagi dan petang sehingga engkau bisa tenteram dalam tidur yang panjang sampai nanti tiba akhir zaman.

Bukan lagi cokelat yang bisa hamba berikan pada beliau, Rabb… maka, jadikanlah hamba umat-Mu yang shalehah agar amal baik hamba mengalir untuk beliau sebagai tanda bakti hamba. Banyak yang sudah beliau berikan pada hamba tanpa pamrih, tapi hamba tak sempat memberikan apapun untuk beliau walaupun hanya selembar kain sarung untuk beliau shalat. Maka dari itu, izinkan hamba untuk bisa beramal banyak dengan harta dan jiwa hamba agar beliau gembira.

Dalam sekian banyak episode kehidupan, terkadang hamba menangis karena rindu. Sungguh, hamba tak bermaksud meratap ataupun tak ikhlas untuk kehilangan. Hamba bermohon, jangan biarkan beliau bersedih ataupun terbebani dengan air mata hamba.

Jika hamba sedang sangat rindu, terkadang hamba meminta mamah untuk bercerita tentang bagaimana kasih beliau sewaktu hamba kecil dulu. Terbayang bagaimana beliau terbangun tengah malam untuk membuatkan susu ketika hamba menangis, lalu tiba-tiba hamba melemparkan botol dot yang berisi susu itu hanya karena tak suka karet dot yang baru. Dengan sabar, beliau menjahit karet dot lama yang robek begitu lebar agar hamba berhenti menangis dan mau minum susu. Apaaa… kangen :’(

Rabb, terkadang hamba berpikir, apakah beliau meninggalkan hamba dalam keadaan yakin bahwa hamba sudah cukup dewasa untuk memutuskan tentang hidup dan kehidupan seperti apa yang ingin hamba jalani? Hamba tak berani memastikan diri untuk menjawab benar ataukah salah tentang hal itu. Nyatanya, hamba masih sering kehilangan arah.

Selama ini, beliau yang paling mempercayai hamba sekaligus mengkhawatirkan diri hamba. Tapi, lewat sebuah nama, beliau sudah memberi bekal do’a yang cukup. Rahmi Wulandiani. Mungkin beliau berharap, akan ada banyak orang yang mengasihi hamba atau harapan agar hamba tumbuh menjadi orang yang penuh kasih. Semoga saja begitu, agar dimana pun hamba berada, selalu ada cinta sahabat yang banyak untuk hamba. Kalaupun sekali waktu hamba harus tersakiti sehingga harus membenci, jadikan perasaan benci itu datang sewajarnya, Rabb… karena terkadang, tak semua hal yang menyakitkan bisa hamba maafkan.

Rabb, perintahkanlah malaikat penjaga kubur untuk berlaku lembut pada ayah hamba. Mamah selalu bilang, beliau sosok yang keras. Tapi, jika kami saling diam karena tak sepaham tentang sesuatu hal, tak pernah sekali pun  hamba kalah. Selalu beliau yang memulai untuk mengajak berbaikan. Ternyata hamba lebih batu dari beliau. Apakah hamba harus berbangga karena itu? Ingin sekali rasanya hamba membalikkan waktu dan mau sekali saja mengalah untuk membuat beliau menjadi ‘pemenang’ dalam hal ini.

Rabb, sudah hampir 8 tahun hamba kehilangan sosok beliau di setiap sudut rumah. Namun, Engkau tak bisa membuatnya hilang dalam ruang hati hamba. Senyumnya, marahnya, cara dia duduk, berdiri, berjalan, berkata, semua, semua, semua, semua… semua tentang beliau ketika menjadi suami, ayah, dan guru di rumah.

Rabb, hamba tahu, sampai kapanpun hamba tak akan bisa mengungguli beliau dalam kepintaran, kecerdasan berpikir, keteguhan untuk meraih mimpi, berkompromi dengan lawan dan kawan, serta mengemas diri menjadi pribadi menyenangkan. Beliau tak sempat mengajari hamba semua hal itu. Tapi tolong katakan, ada satu hal yang selalu beliau tunjukkan yang lebih dari cukup untuk membuat hamba berkata hamba akan selalu bisa. “Semangat pembelajar yang tak kenal batas usia”. Itu warisan berharga dari beliau.

Apa, hidupmu adalah hadiah bagi Ananda. Allah menitipkan kasih sayang-Nya yang begitu besar lewat tanganmu untuk Ananda. Saat tanganmu diambil kembali oleh-Nya, Ananda tidak merasa khawatir. Ananda berpikir, kini Allah-lah yang menjaga Ananda lewat kuasa tangan-Nya. Suatu saat, mungkin akan ada tangan lain yang akan Ia pilih untuk kembali Ia titipi seperti dulu Ia memilihmu. Seseorang yang dekat dari sisi-Nya. Semoga sebaik engkau.

Apa, Ananda tak akan pernah lupa. Tanggal 14 Februari bukanlah tentang Valentine. Tanggal itu adalah miladmu…. Peluk hangat dari Ananda. Semoga hujan malam ini tidak membuatmu merasa sepi. Ada senyum aku, ada cinta mamah :)

Letto

Hi... I'm not promising that I'll be back and writing something on my blog regularly like ordinary. I just wanna share something through my short writing. Ya... just called it as a stretching before I continue my work.

Let's go to the core... 

I was typing something related to work while listening some music on my winamp randomly. Then, I heard a song from a band group named Letto. It was long time for me to not hear their old songs. Don't know when they will release their new album. One for sure, I'll waiting for it. I believed it will be worth because I could listen some of idealism behind their music. I called their masterpiece as "Smart Music"; not only easy listening but also educated and thoughtful. Beside that, some of their love-themed songs were not smelled as 'rubbish' like the love songs created by new comers band currently. Letto has class I guess. Agree??? :)

"Sampai Nanti Sampai Mati"

By: Letto

Kalau kau pernah takut mati, sama
kalau kau pernah patah hati, aku juga iya
dan sering kali
sial datang dan pergi
tanpa permisi
kepadamu, suasana hati
tak peduli

Kalau kau kejar mimpimu, salut
kalau kau ingin berhenti
ingat tuk mulai lagi

Tetap semangat
dan teguhkan hati
di setiap hari
sampai nanti
sampai mati

Kadang memang
cinta yang terbagi
karena memang
seringkali mimpi tak terpenuhi
seringkali

Tetap semangat
dan teguhkan hati
di setiap hari
sampai nanti
sampai mati

Tetap melangkah
dan keraskan hati
di setiap hari
sampai nanti sampai mati